None of us sees the world as it is because we can only see it through our lens. In a sense, we're all delusional.
Take this picture as an example: the grey tiles on the bottom left look blue; the ones on the bottom right look yellow. But they're really just grey.
So how does my daughter see the world and why does she see it that way. This morning my 3 year old came into my bed and lay down next to me. She started talking to me about all the important things in her life.
“Mummy, I like this house, do you?"
“Mummy I miss Oma & GD, Jane & Jarrad, Rhi Rhi, Nate, Brooke, Uncle Liam, Indy and ballet."
“Mummy you have big teeth, I have a big nose.”
"Mummy when can we go on the rides again?"
I love interacting with her like this in the morning and listening to all her little thoughts. They are so precious and I try to often imprint these things on my heart and memories. Her dishelved pigtails from a night's rest. Her crinkled nose, her new word, "that's disgusting." Her tinkering laugh. Imprint, imprint, imprint.
Since we are in Kuala Lumpur I decided to take my kids for their first dental visit. We made our way to the Smile Clinic at the Curve. They have an amazing waiting area (p.s. don’t forget to take your shoes off, so weird!) with a toy room, lounge, books and a TV.
It was 20RM each, less than $7. Same price for adults. I wasn’t booked in, but the dentist was a bit enamored with my teeth and asked if she could check their colour on her little chart. Turns out my teeth were as white as they could get, “anything more is photo shopped”, she declared.
The Doctor was amazingly helpful, giving me details on best places to rent, obtain internet, even giving me her personal email address and mobile number. It made me laugh to enter the room where she was sitting on her laptop Facebook wide open. Anyway back to the waiting area.
While sitting on the lounge waiting, my daughter told me she didn’t want her teeth pulled out. I am not sure who gave her this idea, perhaps KidZania on Tuesday, but I reassured her that was not going to happen.
It didn’t seem to matter what mummy said. When we got in the room she jumped on the dentist chair very excited by all the attention, until she was asked to open her mouth. She would not have a bar of it. She started crying and flat out refused to let the doctor look in her mouth. We asked her to watch Caius and he sat down, very obediently opened his mouth and happily let the lady check out his 19.5 teeth.
Still no luck with Mia, she ran for the playroom and the doctor quietly shut the door to chat to me. First of all Mia has the most gorgeous gap in her front teeth, but apparently this is being caused by the muscle in her lip being to low. A simple snip can cure this, however if Mia reacted like that to just a doctor looking in her mouth I don’t like the chances of her sitting still for an injection and a cut…. Am still undecided on a solution for this.
Secondly the doctor asked me about my pregnancy. I had a great pregnancy so no problems there. She asked me about the birth. I explained Mia could not make her way out of my body and so was an emergency ceaser. She came out a little battle-scarred from her head hitting my pelvis.
The dentist then mentioned she thought Mia had suffered trauma at birth and that could be why she is so sensitive. Trauma from birth? She can remember that far? The dentist assured me she could and suggested colour therapy for my little miss. My daughter is 3, I had never even considered any type of therapy for her, I simply thought she was a sensitive spirit. She is introverted like my husband and reserved.
I am still not convinced this is an option I wish to pursue, but as my husband and I talked about it, there holds a ring of truth to it. Caius’s birth was easy as an elected ceaser and he is fearless at 2, however he’s also a boy who replicates my extroverted personal nature.
So is it personality or is it trauma? Certainly our travels are enlightening us in more ways then one.
I cannot say we have come to any sort of conclusion on this. I can say I am not interested in therapy as I often consider therapists create more problems then originally there, not always for the money, although I am sure all those extra sessions help, but sometimes just because words have so much power I believe you can speak things into your life.
For now we are choosing to speak into Mia’s life. We will speak healing and positivity. We are speaking that she has a giant daddy who can take care of her and a lioness of a mother. We speak that she has a Father in Heaven who loves her and will always take care of her. We speak that she does not need to be afraid. Isaiah 41:10 says, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you.”
If you believe that everything happens for a reason, you must find that reason and turn those experiences that threaten to detonate in your life into a useful energy source that empowers you and others. We are searching for the reason. Any fear in my daughter's life will become a powerful testimony for her and empowerment to others.
Reader Comments..."I respond to every comment by direct private email. I look forward to your feedback" - Josh Bender
BEST blog post yet!
I love your open minded nature in thinking about the possibility of the trauma that babies experience. We often discard it in western societies because we think it's just rubbish and it can't be proven by the 'science' and tools that we currently have. A few years ago, I thought about this very subject that you wrote about with my two babies and sure enough, the theory holds true in this case. Is it just personality, or is it trauma. We too have chosen to the exact steps you have.
Color therapy? Interesting. Do it and then write about it :)
I commented and then it just disappeared! My son also had a traumatic birth in the same manner but has always been very laid back., he does not like being touched very much though and is very much a worrier. I always attributed those types of differences in their personalities to the birth order though. Have you read any of that type of material??
I also agree that I think this was your best post written yet!
Mary: yes I have read lots on birthing order, a book by Dr Kevin Leman, have you read it? I am the oldest child and so is Mia, Josh is an only. Fascinating reading.
Hey Erin! Missing you over here and seeing your smiling bubbly self at church :-)!! I loved reading this blog, you put soo much into it, amazes me how you do these so quick and easily. Isabelle has learnt that word disgusting too, I'm sure she got it from pepper pig lol!! I Love that you wrote about speaking positivety and healing over Mia's life - God has a wonderful plan for her life and has given her amazing parents to guide her!! :-) went to healing meeting tonight at church ps jenny spoke the testimony of a lady up north wa who had been pronounced dead for 40 mins!! Her pastors went in and prayed for her and she came back to life!!! Drs couldn't explain it, she suffered no brain damage nothing sooo amazing!! God is a miracle working God!!! Sounds like u are having a fantastic time traveling!! Stay safe always xoxox pip
wow. i had no idea. what a new world of color, or lack of, to explore. unreal. thanks for being so honest and strong in bringing to light the stuff that all of us, as parents, get a bit lost in the grey in sometimes.
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